Being Smarter Than Your Significant Other

I can see the competition part being a real issue. My husband couldn’t write a professional letter to save his life- he does have the excuse of being a foreigner (imported him a couple years ago), but in his filed he is super smart. He’s in advertising on the creative side- I’m in finance on the analytical side. Cannot really compete except for bottom line returns ;-)
While he may shutter when I speak of numbers but I could never match his abilities in his skill set. From past relationships i found it more frustrating when everyday type intelligence was not matched. I once had a long term boyfriend who was pretty much a genius academically, but when it cam to general common sense he really didn’t ‘get it’.. that would wear on me quite a bit. My husband not understanding compounding interest rates really doesn’t effect out everyday existence, especially since he understands and trusts his place enough to leave anything dealing with finances/ numbers for me to deal with. Yeah, I do sometimes miss not being able to have a real conversation on foreign policy, or feel bad when he doesn’t get reference to liturature/ play on works/ etc. in a movie- but I can deal with that. Same happens to me when we’re in his home.
I think basic IQ is a better determinant than technical skills. Math is skill IMHO- you may need a certain min intelligence to develop it, but you may not develop it despite having the intelligence required to do so. My sister’s husband is an ironworker who probably wouldn’t break 800 on the SAT’s- but he is funny, loving and more hard working than anyone I know. He also has increadible common sense, a level head and an awesome attitude that is incredibly contagious. These are all invaluable traits and I’d rather spend time with him than many ‘smart’ people I know.
 
Agreed… intelligence comes in many forms. What’s really necessary is basically sound logical skills, basic empathy and emotional sensibility, basic curiosity about the world, a willingness to learn what you don’t know, and a willingness to ask yourself now and then if the assumptions you make about the world really line up with what you experience and observe.
 
This might be the best thread on AF in months. A question for you guys in finance:
Assume you’re dedicated to your work, and planning to put serious hours in for a number of years going forward (to be determined, but assume that you’re committed to this career until you retire, whether that’s 40, 50, or whatever). Assume at least 60 hours a week, and a total compensation in the top 5% in the country (if not top 1%), i.e., you are clearly a capable bread winner. Assume also that you want a meaningful (however you define that) relationship and a family. Do you marry:
A) Someone who is your “equal” in the sense that they have a high powered career (i-banker, surgeon, lawyer, etc.). Pros: Well educated, intelligent, successful, second high income, interesting. Cons: Competitive, limited time together (hard to balance two demanding schedules), probably not that nuturing, who will raise the kids?
or
B) The “Betty Crocker” stay at home mom type. Pros: Easy to be around, gets the house and other stuff done so you don’t have to worry about it, probably a good mom for the kids, makes a hell of a batch of cookies. Cons: Probably fairly boring (would be for me at least) / maybe not that intelligent, may resent your hard work.
Curious to know what you think the best play here would be.
 
I married a mix of A & B and I think most would say they are dating someone of similar qualities. My wife works, but doesn’t have to, is NOT boring by any stretch, is intelligent, and does NOT resent my hard work. She fully supports it and will do whatever it takes to be by my side as I gain success in my career.
 
I completely agree with bchad’s post above, unfortunately this sort of person is exceedingly difficult to come by, particularly in the States.
 
I find myself in a somewhat odd boat.
My girlfriend is attractive, smart, and kind of bitchy (I like that though). She graduated with a 3.8 GPA and was by far the smartest girl in her sorority and amongst her friends. She is also pretty common sense smart.
Here is the conundrum though; She is a pretty big introvert and gets uncomfortable having a friendly debate or intellectual conversation. It’s weird because I know she is smarter than me (in most areas, such as grammar and ease of learning new crap) however, I think most people think I am the brains in the relationship upon meeting us as a couple. This could not be further from the truth, Jennifer is very intelligent (158 LSAT with 1 month of prep, SAT was better than mine but I don’t want to throw out a # since I dont recall) but the problem is she doesn’t really seem comfortable applying her knowledge with other people.
The more I write this out the more I realize she is very academically smart, I know she possesses the knowledge and intellectual depth to carry on a conversation, and quite frankly bring up points that would be lost on some less-fortunate minds, however, she is (for a reason unknown to me) holding back.
I would say the one area where I out-stride Jenny is current events, she knows how dialate Kate Gosselins vag got after the 27th kid cartwheeled out, however, she doesn’t read about (or much less care about) the Micro finance movement in the United States, or how equities will perform in 2010, or who the next ECB president will be.
Maybe she doesn’t want to hurt my ego?
Maybe she doesn’t realize it?
In any case, it’s odd knowing that your girl is smarter than you, yet at the same time, you crave a girl with equal (or better looks) that is willing to open up a little more on the conversational side.
 
bromion, personally I am most attracted to women that are intelligent, cultured and adventurous, and if they can possess these traits without having to work a really demanding job, I’m fine with it. I’ve dated women that made very little income (graduate students) as well as attorneys, doctors and investment bankers…and while I used to judge people based on their profession, I now evaluate girlfriends on how much time of day they give me and how they can take care of me (and thus my potential future family).
Perhaps this is shaped by the fact that I can sustain myself just fine based on my own job, but how much a girl earned in income really didn’t have any impact on my happiness. Anything I really need, I can just buy for myself. I’m really most interested in someone that’s generous, open-minded and knows how to take care of me…and if I can find that in someone that’s incredibly wealthy and high-powered, that’s great, but income in my significant other is something that’s probably not even in top 10 things that I care about. I’d rather be with someone that lived an exciting life and had a passionate personality so that we could really explore and enjoy life together.
I enjoy living a dynamic life and find myself bored by people that work all the time and have little color in other areas of their lives. Granted, I understand that when you work 70-80 hour weeks, you may not have time for other stuff…but I believe that if you want something badly enough, you always make time. Maybe I didn’t have time to go overseas while working in finance, but (1) that will change soon and (2) I found other ways to enrich myself like going to shows, concerts, museums, taking weekend trips to places, and things like that. It’s amazing how many people don’t even bother to make time for that stuff.
 
Here’s my strategy as I near 30…. I used to want to date older women because they had their head on straight, were more experienced, and hopefully been through enough failed relationships to get over their princess complex. But now… I realize you can only tap that early 20-something derierre for so long without looking like a total perv/having a lot of money, so go after that young stuff while you can get it because virtually everyone wants to be sleeping with 20-somethings.
You can find companionship and a mediocre sex life later, but have the time of your life while you’re young (relatively speaking).
 
I write beautifully, my wife doesn’t say or do stupid things in public which she later regrets.
Remind me again, who is smarter?
 
my wife is smarter in stuff that does not matter. i think i have more life exp so we balance each other out. she is also two grad degrees above me
 
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