FT article on CFA

A little over a week from now, thousands of well-groomed zombies will descend on test centres around the globe to sit CFA exams. Some will travel in packs, others go solo. Regardless of grouping, it is strongly advised not to approach them. They haven’t read anything for fun in months and may be dangerous.
For CFA candidates, Saturday June 7th will be the pinnacle of neglecting everything in their life that didn’t have “Schweser” or “CFA Institute” printed on it. It is also at this moment that their relationships with their calculators have never been stronger.
To help get them get through it, FT Alphaville has compiled the following Q&A. Feel free to suggest further questions in the comment box below.
Q: Only one week to go and I haven’t even done a practice exam yet! OMG, OMG, OMG! I’m screwed! I’m going to fail! I’m going to have to pay the money back to my employer for the exam and study materials and it’s going to be so embarrassing!! DAMMIT!
OK, don’t worry. Find a comfortable place to sit, like a couch or on your bed with some pillows for back support. Take a few deep breaths and say: “I don’t have cancer. I don’t have cancer. I don’t have cancer.” This will help you feel better.
Q: Any tips for exam day?
More men than women take these exams. Sometimes the imbalance is so extreme that the guys have a long queue for the toilets and the ladies don’t. So guys: use the loo early. Ladies: enjoy getting a laugh out of seeing the guys queue. Honestly, it’s hilarious. The looks on their faces as they queue!
Also, bring a spare calculator or batteries. While it’s highly unlikely that your calculator will die on you, there’s always a chance (particularly with the Level 1) that someone will forget their calculator. Then you, my friend, get to be the person who bails them out by offering your spare. The look of gratitude will leave you with at least one positive memory of exam day.
Oh, and bring lunch. The queue for food in the break will be longer than the gent’s.
Q: How about tips for taking the exam at the ExCel Centre in London?
After the exam, escape fast. The DLR trains aren’t big enough to handle the mass of CFA candidates rushing to drink, or sleep, off their post-exam anticlimax.
Q: Why are the ethics questions out to get me?
I know. There, there.
Q: I’ve been studying for this thing for months and as an American living abroad, I’m going to have to spend the weekend after exams doing my taxes. This blows.
Wow… you seem to have an alarming amount in common with me. Actually, are youPast-Me? Creepy, dude. Creepy.
Q: I’m probably going to fail, aren’t I?
Yes.
Q: Hey! Don’t you think that’s a bit harsh?
Without knowing how much this person studied, no. Why? Cause statistics:
Q: Any tips for studying then?
No. Different things work for different people. But if you’re aching to read more exam stuff, we highly recommend 300hours.com. Those people are brilliant. The image at the top of this post came from them.
Q: Why do people do this to themselves?
That’s an excellent question. Please keep it to yourself.
Q: Why does everyone make such a big deal about this?
We mean it. Troll elsewhere.
Q: My friend/partner is taking the exam. What should I do? How can I help?
Cookies. Please. Now.
Seriously.
Q: I’m so knee-deep in formulas that I’ve lost site of the bigger picture. What should I do?
Those people at 300hours.com have a helpful tip sheet for this. It has cows. (And by the way, cows produce milk which can be used for making cookies.)
Q: You took the exam last year, didn’t you? How’d that work out…
Oh what, you didn’t notice the shiny acronym behind my name? Let me help you with that.
 
Oh ho ho ha ha ha! Those witty Brits get me every time with their humour. Wait, this was supposed to be a stab at writing something funny, right? Bollocks!
 
I remember reading that and wondering if Lisa Pollock has some vested interest in 300hours. Why didn’t she reference AF or any of the other CFA program-centric sites.
 
^Don’t know if the article was supposed to be informational or comical. I think it failed at both.
I mean it. It failed at both.
Hard to believe that FT would allow a journalism this shitty to be on their newspaper.
 
^Alphaville is a separate blog run on the FT website. Usually their articles are pretty good and some have a good amount of sarcastic humour, but you’re right sometimes they post trendy garbage like this.
 
^Thanks for the clarification. I don’t really know much about FT. I’m more of a USA Today and WSJ guy, personally.
 
Article’s shite but I like the bit about well groomed zombies which is what I’ve been for 5 months. I’m no longer well groomed
 
This was by far the best laugh I’ve had in the past month. Great article. I love english humor.
 
from that table, how was the pass rate 76% for level 3 in 2006???
 
^ My buddies wrote it that year. I tease them about it everytime. I tell them the charter should be revoked.
 
it’s a serious outlier in that table, wonder how they let that happen
 
Destroyer of Worlds wrote:
Oh ho ho ha ha ha! Those witty Brits get me every time with their humour. Wait, this was supposed to be a stab at writing something funny, right? Bollocks!
Click to expand...
So you obviously missed this bit:
Q: I’ve been studying for this thing for months and as an American living abroad, I’m going to have to spend the weekend after exams doing my taxes. This blows.
Wow… you seem to have an alarming amount in common with me. Actually, are youPast-Me? Creepy, dude. Creepy.
Sorry to disappoint you but this isn’t British humour…
 
CityStraggler wrote:
Destroyer of Worlds wrote:
Oh ho ho ha ha ha! Those witty Brits get me every time with their humour. Wait, this was supposed to be a stab at writing something funny, right? Bollocks!
Click to expand...
So you obviously missed this bit:
Q: I’ve been studying for this thing for months and as an American living abroad, I’m going to have to spend the weekend after exams doing my taxes. This blows.
Wow… you seem to have an alarming amount in common with me. Actually, are youPast-Me? Creepy, dude. Creepy.
Sorry to disappoint you but this isn’t British humour…
Click to expand...
I did, actually. However, I would argue that this American has given up her right to be called American and in his time studying abroad in the UK, has immediately grown a constipated sense of humor, a taste for bangers and mash and a rapidly deteriorating layer of tooth enamel.
EDIT: Further research on “Alphaville” web site cements my point perfectly. Point your browser to http://ftalphaville.ft.com/meet-the-team/lisa-pollack. Her bio clearly indicates that “She would also prefer that you didn’t know she’s American, having grown up in Oregon.” You see, even her bio displays the bone-dry British sense of humor we’ve all come to know and love from “across the pond!”
 
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