Things people say at your firm

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MiserableLawStdnt

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I don’t know if everyone else will find this funny, but it makes me laugh hysterically on he inside. Whenever someone wants to know if you are busy or want to go to lunch, instead of just saying, “Hey man, you up for some lunch?”, they say “You in Turbo-mode right now?” or if someone is looking for somoeone else they will ask, “Is Steve in Turbo-mode?”
The other thing I find funny is the use of “Crank”. “Hey you cranking right now?”, “Crank that out.”, “You Cranking away?”
I don’t know I can hardly keep a straigh face when people ask me if I am “Turbo-ing”.
They use any silly phrases at your firm?
 
The only other thing which comes to mind is something one of the MD says, “Don’t trip over the dollar to pick up a dime.”
 
My boss likes to throw around: “I’m a carrot and stick kind of guy”
 
I really hate the use of corporate lingo and go out of my way to avoid it at all costs. Phrases like annoy the hell out of me:
Steve is on my “SWAT Team”.
“Reach out’ to Steve for the TPS reports
“Key Take aways” from the meeting were
Turning everything into an acronym: “I have a meeting with IBG about the BSG.”
Let’s take a “deep dive” into this issue
I’ve been “putting out fires” all morning long
 
ugh, yes the corporate jargon. one of my pet peeves where i work is the use of ‘socialize’, as in “we have to socialize the clients to the new requirements.” Sure you can socialize a feral kitten but why not just say, “inform”, “make comfortable with” etc. also, another guy who thank god I don’t actually work with loves to say “cheeks in seats”, barf, and talks about his exposure and penetration report. Has the mentality of a 10 year old. I also hate the guy who uses 10 words where 1 will do, thinking it sounds impressive. Dude get to the POINT!
to that boss, I’d say I got your carrot RIGHT HERE buddy!
 
“make sure no one is fartin under the covers” with reference to researching an acquisition target. Hahahahaha, gets me EVERY. TIME.
 
My lead analyst said to a Vietnam vet who was at our pitch “Now if anyone holds a gun to my I head, and I know you had held a gun before, then I would say…”
 
former trader wrote:
“It is what it is”
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my god. I HATE THIS. My old boss used to say this all the time when he asks for the impossible, and then later when I can’t produce it, he says this.
 
ks21405 wrote:
“make sure no one is fartin under the covers” with reference to researching an acquisition target. Hahahahaha, gets me EVERY. TIME.
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Wherever in the hell you work, that is hilarious.
 
I only like to say the phrase, “Reach out and grab the ‘Low Hanging Fruit’, during one on one meetings with the attractive ladies in the office.
 
One thing which I don’t find funny but annoying is something the CEO likes to throw around, and it is always the first thing which comes out of his mouth when he looks at a quarterly report or something.
He will point to a number, like distributable cash flow or EBITDA, “This doesn’t feel right.” really annoys the hell out of me. What exactly am I supposed to do with that? Usually followed by, “This number should be higher.”
It kind of reminds me of shows like “So you think you can dance”. The judges there give the most unconstructive advice. I few seasons back there was a black female judge, and her whole critique revolved around the word “Swag”. “You just didn’t bring the swag this time.”, or “Bring more swagger next time.”
Come again?
 
Someone saying “let’s park that and take it offline” in a meeting because they can’t actually answer a question gets my hackles rising.
I’d like to kick them in their key stakeholders until their paradigm shifts.
 
I told her, “Go for my ‘low hanging fruit’. It’ll be a ‘quick win’ for me, but a ‘heavy lift’ for you.”
 
lockheed10023 wrote:
I told her, “Go for my ‘low hanging fruit’. It’ll be a ‘quick win’ for me, but a ‘heavy lift’ for you.”
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Hahahaha!
 
My guys are always telling clients ‘oh we’ll have her dive into that for you.’ I hate it.
This is from one of my all-time favorite Economist blog posts. http://www.economist.com/blogs/johnson/2010/12/business_clichés
“Deep(er) dive
Usage: To take a close or closer look: “I’ll do a deeper dive on those figures on Monday.”
Source: Umm… diving.
Subtext: There’s something athletic, soulful even, about the thought of physically diving into a spreadsheet, kicking around in its dusky deep columns, paddling lazily through the surf of numbers, digging for hidden gems among its pivot tables, and coming up for air gasping but ecstatic, with the decimal points cascading down your forehead. It could be a subtle signal to colleagues of the effort you are about to make as you hold your breath and plunge into the numbers. Or maybe it’s nothing more than an attempt to romanticise to yourself what is otherwise a soul-deadening activity.”
 
Supersadface wrote:
ks21405 wrote:
“make sure no one is fartin under the covers” with reference to researching an acquisition target. Hahahahaha, gets me EVERY. TIME.
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Wherever in the hell you work, that is hilarious.
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Oil&Gas–good ol’ boy New Orleans jargon is the best! Haha
 
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